Vacation Time!

Dan and I are now in Gainesville, Florida. We spend the previous 5 days in Maryland for Debbie & Joe's wedding. The whole wedding weekend was wonderful. Joe's family were such wonderful hosts and the wedding & party afterward was great! Hopefully in a few days I will have some pictures to share. I know Ophelia and Bosley enjoyed running around Debbie's huge forest backyard hunting birds, ducks and deer!

Now we are in Gainesville, and its wonderful to be home! We walked around campus today ate at our favorite places and even walked around the stadium. To my pleasant surprise Tim Tebow was on the field being interviewed by ESPN. We sat down and watched the interview take place and afterward I got my picture taken with Tim!! When we get back to Ohio I will post the picture.

Today is Dan's 32nd birthday so we will have a little party for him today and some yummy ice cream cake.

Go Gators!

Ultrasound time.

Another ultrasound, another cyst. Or I should say the same cyst. The cyst on my right ovary has been there for months now (perhaps longer, who knows only been doing ultrasounds since August). First we tried just waiting for it to go away. That didnt work. So last month we tried taking Necon. A nice middle of the road hormone pill that was supposed to just knock that cyst right out of there. Well, the cyst remains - No bigger or smaller, exactly the same. So this month we are kicking it up a notch to Ogestrel. If this stronger hormone mix doesn't do anything to the cyst the only option left is surgery. A simple same day laparoscopic surgery to remove the cyst. I named my cyst Fred, above is our picture together.

Funny thing is I am no longer upset about this stupid fertility thing. I am excited about adoption and I am moving more to if its meant to be mindset with having a baby the old fashioned way.

"A World Of Love"

I went to the library to check out some books on tape for my upcoming 2 week car trip. I thought I would check out some books on adoption while I was there. To my surprise there was a display of adoption books! It must be fate.
Or as I later found out, its national adoption month.

Anyways, I got a book called "A world of love" about a family who has one biological daughter and 3 adoptive daughters. Its just a story of the couple years while they adopted the 3 girls, how the family dealt with each transition, etc. I enjoyed the first half of the book leading up to their first adoption. But when they adopted the next 2 girls in 1 years time, I thought they were a little crazy. I guess the parts I related to most where the parts that matched my current situation. She compared her pregnancy with her first daughter to the adoption process. When she was pregnant there were plenty of mothers handing out free advice left and right. A pregnant body was a free invitation for strange women to come up and tell her their birth stories. But in 1995 when this takes place finding adoption advice was a whole different story.

I am pretty lucky I have talked to a couple people who have been through the adoption process and through the power of the internet I have joined 3 chat groups. 1 for Korea adoptions, 1 for adoptions just from the agency we are using and 1 for families in Dayton who have Korean adopted kids who get together for play dates, etc! These women and men in the chat groups are a great source of information. In fact I chated with Mo (Linked Mo's blog off to the side) and found out Mo lives in Medina, OH of all places!

Small world.

I got another book , "Family Bonds, Adoption and the Politics of Parenting" which I will be reading next.

Joys of Paperwork

I wonder as I am now a couple days into the paperwork required for an adoption how many people would have babies naturally if they needed to do this.

The following is my check list for my social worker to approve Dan and I becoming adoptive parents:
1)Request Home Study
2)Fill out ODHS Application for Child Placement Form - this is a 6 page form that asks you basic info like who you are, your job, your pay, what your house is like, where will kids sleep, what school would they go to, what car(s) do you have, do you have pets, do you run a home business, where have you lived for the past 10 years, where have you worked the past 10 years, then 2 pages of 'what kind of child would you consider' regards to age, sex and race and then 4 references
3) Signed Service Agreement Form and $1200
4) BCI Fingerprinting for each adult
5) FBI Fingerprinting for each adult
6) Verification of Training completed in the following areas: The Adoptive Process, Child Development, Separation & Loss, Dealing with Behavioral Changes, Cultural Issues, Adoption Related Issues
7) Medical Statement for each adult to see if we have a serious or chronic illness, sought treatment for mental health issues, any alcohol or drug abuse issues. Any hereditary diseases, did any parent, grandparent or sibling die young?
8) Ohio State Child Abuse Clearing Form stating we have no charges against us
9) 4 Reference letters
10) Autobiography for each adult explaining our childhood, our best/worst qualities, how we met our spouse, their best/worst qualities, how we were disciplined, how we plan to discipline, why we want to adopt, describe our fertility problems, what hobbies we have, what our saddest and happiest memories are and does our family support us in adoption.
11) Financial Statement with last 3 years 1040 tax forms, employer verification letters, bank statements
12) Guardianship Plan for our children should something happen to us
13) Child Characteristics Checklist - this one makes you feel guilty - 5 pages of medical problems that you 'will consider' or 'will not consider'. This is weird, I know if I had a child that had these issues I would deal with any of them, I could do specialized home care with NG Tubes, trachs, etc but even though I could do it, Why would anyone choose to do it? Anyways, I felt kinda bad on this but only put will consider things I feel are easily correctable like some mild speech issues, allergies, mild vision or hearing issues, corrective orthopedic issues. Plus that form is generic for people doing adoption or foster care and alot had to do with older kids not infants.
14)Safety Audit - Make sure everything is safe and infant proofed
15) Fire Inspection - Done by the local fire department - Make sure we have smoke detectors and such
16) Copy of the following: driver's license, auto insurance, marriage license, health insurance, evacuation plan, pet vaccination records, birth certificate
17) Picture of Family and House
18) Fill out form I-600a from the CIS (Citizenship and Immigration services)


Whew! Once all that is done then we get to meet the social worker in our home for some one on one and group interviews. Then the social worker writes up her report and weeks later we turn it in to the adoption agency... We then begin more paperwork.

Changing to Korea

Ok, when Dan and I came to the decision to start the adoption process we knew that we were interested in Asian countries mainly. When we had 2 friends tell us stories of China adoptions and that made us feel good about choosing China as our country but after seriously researching this over the last week (I am talking spreadsheets and reading tons of websites and joining about 5 different chat groups) I think that I feel better with Korea. We both want to stay with Asian countries over South American or African, so our choices were basically: China, South Korea, Vietnam, Taiwan or Thailand.

Here is a simple comparison of the 2 countries (China and Korea)

Average Age of Child at placement: China-10-14 months, Korea - 9-12 months
Gender: China mostly girls, Korea slightly more boys than girls
Average total cost: China $22,000, Korea $25,000
Care of Child: China mainly orphanage, Korea foster care after first couple weeks in an orphanage
Medical Care: China - depends on region, orphanage. Korea - excellent medical care on par with USA standards
Average Wait from start to finish: China - 22months-36months, Korea - 14-18months

Really after looking at that breakdown, and alot more factors I wont bore you with, Korea just seems like a better option. The wait is shorter, the babies are kept in foster families instead of large orphanages so developmental delays are far less common and I think a couple thousand more dollars is worth it if you look at long term success and health of the child.

Both programs are very stable and that's also a key factor for us. So we are now looking into agencies and talking to people online who have used various agencies so we find a good fit for us. I have also been reading alot of blogs. My favorite one so far is listed on my links section (A holding pattern) Here is a post that really sticked out to me. It describes when the family was about to get their adoptive son at the agency office in Seoul and the foster mom who had been raising him (her 5th foster child but 1st one where she met with the adoptive parents):

At 1:45, we left to walk the 2 blocks to the H01t Korea office. This would be the last block we would walk as a mere couple. The last door we would walk through.

When we arrived, Munchkin was in one of the ground-level playrooms with his foster mother and the social worker. It seemed like they were wrapping up some paperwork. We took final photos together. His foster mother gave us even more gifts - more outfits for Munchkin, all his favorite toys, and a music box. Over the course of three days, she had given us so many gifts that I was profoundly embarrassed. I wish I had brought more gifts for her.

His foster mother was so sad. Tears ran down her face, as she silently stroked Munchkin's cheeks and gave him final kisses. She was worried, and gave us lots of final instructions. Make sure we put cream under his knees. He loves bath time. He needs a bottle in 1 hour, about 5 oz. He doesn't usually cry unless something is wrong. Make sure we have umbrellas and a hat for Munchkin when we go to the airport on Sunday. Make sure he is bundled up when we go outside. She cried. I cried.

Not every foster parent is going to be like that obviously but if given the choice I would want my future child raised by a family than an orphanage. That ended up being the major factor, plus the shorter time frame that made us switch from China to Korea.

Meeting with Becky, Todd & Micah

Today Dan and I met with one of his fellow PhD students, LtCol Todd Venema. Todd and his wife Becky adopted a baby boy, Micah, from China 5 months ago. They have 3 natural children ages 10-6 and wanted to add to their family through adoption. It was a really nice meeting over lunch talking about their experience in China, the process of adoption, paperwork involved and how the military can help. We really learned alot about the process today! They got Micah 5 months ago and their start to finish time for paperwork and waiting took about 17 months, the normal is 24 months but Micah was a special needs baby so they got him a little sooner. He had a deformity of his right ear (very hard to even notice and the left works just fine) where the middle ear doesn't connect the outer ear to the inner ear. It was fun to meet Micah, like most little 20 month old babies he was crawling/walking around the floor and enjoyed eating cheerios and baby food. I think as we move forward through this process Todd and Becky will be great resources for local agencies and how to get through the military side of things with all the paperwork that the Air Force likes to have.

It was really nice to talk with them and hear that if they could do it again with China they would. They said the system in place there is really good and that compared to most other countries China was one of the best. They also said Vietnam & Ukraine were the other countries they had it narrowed down to. So I think I will do a little research on them as well.

One place they recommended using that sticked out to me as a nurse was the IAC in Cincinnati.
Its in connection with the children's hospital in Cincinnati who focuses entirely on adopted children and their special adaptation and development needs from being in foster care or an orphanage. They were really impressed with the team of therapists who evaluated Micah's health paperwork prior to adoption and after he was brought home. They work with the kids for months afterward and Micah has made tremendous strides in just 5months getting into the normal range in 4/5 categories they focus on.

Well thats all from today. Over the next month or so I will be researching as much as I can and filling out a ton of paperwork for the Homestudy process.